Memory
by Sunari The Sinner
Summary: Alright, I decided to write a story that has a lot of meaning. While some of this is based on truth I have added characters to help tell it. This is a sadNC17 story! Your advised!
1. Chapter 1

**Memory**

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them. This is an alternate Universe fic. And possibly a Crossover! And be for warned that there are a lot of my characters in this story. Also, there is a lot of sadness and rape and torture mixed with HINTS of love! Enjoy!

Begin Chapter One Warning: I'm A Few Shots Away From Dying...

**Dreamscape How things were...**

_I'm walking to school with her. I don't know why exactly, but I can't find the motivation to look over at her and try to smile. Where did all my courage go? Today is different then yesterday, I'm finding it hard to retain anything I learned in our study time. My hands tighten around my brown bag. I do not wish to cry and yet my heart wills me to do otherwise. Maybe, I'll just stop talking instead. My words aren't worth the things I have to say._

_He loves her I can tell, but do not confuse it. I do not feel for Jinx anymore then I feel for myself. He is what he is and mostly he's just an emotional crutch. He's good to be around even if I do not understand it myself. I made her cry again. I feel sorry. That's all I want to say to her but I can not find my voice to do so. She notices. "Sunari, are you okay?" I nod my head and force an unwanted smile. "Do you need a review for the test?"_

_I shake my head no and she just stares. I know, I'm supposed to talk but I can not, will not do so. What's the capital of Japan again? My heart races faster and faster but I know that she, unlike Jinx, can not sense it. She is only a shape shifter. She's almost good for nothing. Of course, I do not mean what I say…and still I say it nonetheless. It's eating away at me. Is it really my fault that I am this way? And if so, then what more is there to say?_

_We walked into the school and as usual it was always noisy. How could people want to talk so much about nothing. It's…annoying. Maybe I really do like it. My heart beats and then stops. Then as if I have no control over it, it repeats it's last move. I accept it. The bell rings and we hurry to class. I don't think that I can take this test and pass. I wonder if that is how it is for Cairo too. Do I affect her? Do I hurt her? We take our seats and the teacher begins his first decent into the test directions._

_My heart stops again._

_There are few things in this world sadder then watching the person you love walk away. Memorizing the distance between you until the space is finally no more.-Cicero _

**How things are**

"So you're leaving then…" Her voice was soft and alluring, carrying with it the hints of despair and distress. She had done this all before. This would not be the first time she would watch a loved one get on the last flight somewhere and never make it home. It almost caused sadness to the human heart. But what else was there to say? Yes, I will get on this plane and no…I will not be coming back home.

Though it took all I had not to cry I smiled at my sister lovingly and nodded my head. The only duffel bag I carried with me brought more tension then it did release. How stupid was I to think such things? Why do I care? Cicero wrapped her arms around me and I couldn't help but feel my muscles tighten. She wasn't making this easy on me. She was doing this on purpose. Unwillingly, my free arm wrapped around her neck in a sibling moment and I quickly pulled away.

"I'm going to miss you. Though, I don't think that there's much of a point in me saying that." I turned away from her. No, there really was no point and chances are she was just saying it to see if I would talk back. I smirked on the inside. Always wanting what she can't have. What a foolish human characteristic. But above all else I love it though. I began to walk away, my wear feet cursing each time I moved them from the ground. Home was just behind me but I didn't want to go back.

"I'll never understand this!" She screamed at me, trying to be heard over the noise of the airport. "I'll never get why you do the things you do! I'm never going to understand am I? I'm always going to be the stupid one and somehow that's okay with me." Cicero laughed sadly, clenching her fists at her sides. "What I can understand is your need for solitude! I have to believe that it's the reason why you want to leave me! I just have to believe that you like being alone and yet at the same time…you'll always love me!"

I felt the tears streaming down my face. Damn her! Why did she always have to do this? She was so good at making me cry. No, I do not love you! I hate you! I'm so weak…that's why…I can't turn around to face you. My heart is beating faster and faster as I reach the airport gates and take hold of my passport.

"Well, I love you to you selfish son of a bitch!" I couldn't help but choke on my sob as I handed the woman my passport and put on a fake smile. I took a step closer to the gate, somehow knowing that if I turned around she would no longer be there for me. This feeling within me was oddly personal and I set it free. Never again would she be hurt by me…

_I bet you're hard to get over. I bet the room just wont shine._

_I bet my hands I can stay here and I bet you need, more then you think-Sunari_

**A/N: **This is a good one. Please review me! I really like this story and yes it will get better, sadder, more sexual, painful and happy as it progresses. Thanks for all your lovely attention.


	2. Chapter 2

**Memory**

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them. This is an alternate Universe fic. And possibly a Crossover! And be for warned that there are a lot of my characters in this story. Also, there is a lot of sadness and rape and torture mixed with HINTS of love! Enjoy!

Begin Chapter Two Warning: I Can't Help Myself…

_**I'm sober now for three whole months one accomplishment that you helped me with. The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I'll never touch again.-Sunari**_

I remember. I mounted her there, on the tree so very long ago. She was always so full of life, always taking risks that were so unnecessary. The attention craver, the go-getter. She was just so much better then I was. There was nothing that I could do about it. It always seemed to me that she was un-phased by much in life. Even her stupid self-centered, can't be called boyfriend, never took much time in the day to tell her how he really felt. I smiled, placing my hand on the tree. It was so alive with the presence that I longed for.

There was an endless aching within my soul. This burning in my heart that could never be put out but always made bigger. It was stupid I know. How I missed her. Of all the places I chose to move back to it was the one that brought me the most pain. I guess in a sick was, I was torturing myself. How typical of me… I sighed inwardly, placing my forehead against the tree in dire anguish. To hear her voice one last time would make my heart happy.

Somehow, it would give me wings to fly. I was so tired of falling.

"You know it would be nice to tell an old woman like me when it is that you have so graciously decided to drop by and disturb my peace." The voice just behind me neither startled me or caused me to move from my current position. "I would like it a lot more of you would talk to me instead of that tree."

I smiled, forcing the tears that threatened my eyes back. Crying…was not something I enjoyed. Finally, turning around I placed a smile on my face. The woman placed her hands over her chest in an almost callous manor.

"I have half a mind to kick your ass Sinner. You've been gone for so long that I have already lost count of the good ol' days so to speak." My eyes took up a partial stance, taking the coward way out. I looked away from the woman that I loved so dearly and stared at the ground instead. "However, I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't happy to see you."

I took in an unsteady breath. Her voice had gotten older, much like her public personae. She had grown tired, and seemingly…cold. However, the warmth of her body remained the same and even as I wrapped my arms around her still form I found comfort in the silence.

"This is not how Kagome would have wanted it Sunari. When you left I'm sure that even though she had already taken flight, her heart still mourned you." Her arms tightened around my body and I let the tears fall upon her shirt. "it was selfish of you to do so Sunari."

I buried my face within her chest, still holding onto her body. I couldn't remember when I finally let go to the things that I could not change. In a sick way, it felt good. "I'm sorry." Why did I say that? Was I really to blame for this sadness? Was it really that selfish? No, I was apologizing for a completely different reason and it was eating away at me.

"You're hurting yourself Sunari. There is no need to apologize for what has happened so many years ago. Kagome would have been worse off if it had been anyone but you."

I couldn't help but laugh weakly at that remark. How callous it was from someone who had meant it to be so kind. "I don't even know how you can say such a thing. I _hate _your daughter. I don't even know why I am here. How could she choose me of all people?!" I was squeezing her arms painfully without a care in the world but still, she did not release me. "I'm wasn't strong enough. How could she expect me to take her life! How could she be so selfish!?"

The bloody tears running down my face continued to do so at an untimely rate. I was sobbing uncontrollably, realizing that I could now be named 'A pathetic excuse for a demon'. Then I stopped crying…and began to laugh. Feeling the woman's tears upon my hair was not at all comforting and yet I enjoyed it. I really was a monster. I did deserve to die and yet was to cowardly to do so.

There are some things that are perhaps better left unsaid. Yes, that sounded like a reasonable excuse to me.

Yes, let's blame my weakness on everything else.

Why?

I just can't help myself…

_**Love, is the sweetest form of suicide…-Sunari**_

I twirled my finger around in the hot tea before me. I wasn't really in the mood to drink it but having it around was somewhat comforting. My eyes were still red and swollen from my earlier decent upon myself. How foolish I felt, sitting here with only my anguish to keep me company. This restaurant always had the best food, I remember. It was the only place that I actually enjoyed being at. Kagome…once upon a time, used to love it too.

Taking my finger from the steaming beverage I placed the tip of it to the table. I had no idea what I was writing until the words had somehow been finished and I had "woken" up. It was dangerous to be this zoned. Wiping away her name, I sighed heavily. I had suddenly lost my appetite.

"You shouldn't be so melodramatic. It can't be good for your health."

I smiled softly at the sound of his voice. It had indeed been so long since I had heard it before. I suppose, like all things he had finally grown up. That was a feat that even I thought impossible for him. "I'm sorry, I can't remember inviting you." My eyes gazed into chocolate orbs and my golden eyes glinted off the light. "But it's always nice to have your company Yusuke."

It was just so damn weird. How was it that the rebel always understood me? I never had to tell him what was wrong, he always just knew. So I guess it was just natural when he pulled up a seat and sat down that I didn't have to ask for him to do so.

"You're so predictable." He said to me, taking his hands from his pockets and placing them on the table. "I'm hurt that you would go to Kagome's mother before you came to me. But I guess I understand." I smirked softly, placing my finger back into the drink.

"I was going to come to you next. I'm sorry. She must have called to tell you that I was here." Yusuke smiled and nodded his head. "I really hadn't meant for it to be like that. I was going to come…I just needed some time to think. That's all." I creased my eyebrows and avoided eye contact with my childhood friends as best I could. There was no point in over-dramatics and sound-effects. Even without looking at him I knew that he was giving me the once over. I was good at hiding the abuse but he knew better. I couldn't be trusted to be by myself and not harm myself. So it goes…can't be helped.

"It's been five years since I've seen you." His voice pulled me out of the darkness that I longed for. I looked up at him, my golden eyes burning with unshed tears. "I have to know. Why would you chose to come back now?"

I smiled. To be honest, I wasn't sure of the answer myself. Thinking drained my energy and talking made me irritable. I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not sure…perhaps I felt a need to redeem myself. However, even as I say that it seems quit unfeasible."

Yusuke smiled warmly, letting me talk and talk about nothing and everything all at once. Why was I here? Why would I choose now to come and not before. Hell, why did I leave in the first place…? I out my hands to my head and closed my weary eyes. This feeling was unacceptable! This tightening in my gut and the burning in my pride. It was unredeemable.

"I came back because I grew up…" I whispered to him. "I'm only just realizing how selfish I have really been." I looked into Yusuke's eyes with a burning need…a self desirable urge for satisfaction. "I came back because I am to weak to do anything else."

_**Ave Maria! Maiden mild! Oh, listen to a maiden's prayer. For thou canst see amid the wild**_

**A/N: **Yeah it is kind of depressing. Please review. ANd yes, Kagome is dead in case you were all confused but wait till you see why Sunari thinks that she is so selfsih! HAHA! I'll put the next chapter out as soon as I am able. Don't be to anxious, I still have to deal with school and what not.


	3. Chapter 3

**Memory**

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them. This is an alternate Universe fic. And possibly a Crossover! And be for warned that there are a lot of my characters in this story. Also, there is a lot of sadness and rape and torture mixed with HINTS of love! Enjoy!

Intense Lime in this chapter! And it will be told in the third person!

Begin Chapter Three Warning: I'll Be Your Best Kept Secret and Your Worst Mistake…

Yusuke looked down at the beautiful woman splayed out on his bed. Her hair was already a mess and they hadn't done more then kiss each other for the past ten minutes. How he had missed her, though he would never tell her. Her eyes were still distant as always, not that he really cared. She was perhaps more beautiful then when he last saw her and that was what fueled him. Her hands reaching out and sliding up underneath his shirt to touch his chest caused him to shiver slightly. The feel of her cold skin against his hot flesh was more then he could take. He wrapped his hands around her wrists and pulled her hands away from him, pinning them up above her head in a liquid motion.

She looked into his eyes for the first time since they had been in his apartment and though it was faint, he could see the desire there. Yusuke smirked softly before leaning down and nibbling on her ear. Sunari closed her eyes and reveled in the desire that was pooling in the bottom of her stomach. She sighed heavily when he reached out to lick down her neck. "Yusuke…!" The way she said his name made it appear that they had been lovers for many years. Though he knew that was not true. Still, it was evident in the way that her body shook that she wanted release, however Yusuke was not so kind.

He lifted his head to look at her again, her golden eyes glazed over with unshed emotion that had most likely built up over the years and stayed unspoken. He smiled down at her softly, still holding her wrists with his free hand while the other moved down to her waistline. Her body arched at his touch as his fingers moved along the seam of her pants. Capturing her lips with his once more he moved to unbutton her pants and did so in a smooth motion. Sunari's gaze averted over to the window, now feeling oddly shy.

"Sunari." Yusuke whispered her name softly, nuzzling her cheek with his. He did not want her to be zoned out when this happened. No, he much preferred it if she would call out his name and move in time with him. Slowly, her eyes moved back over to Yusuke and he released her hands, moving them so that they lay to the side of her in a comfortable manor. The sound of her zipper was soft and almost monotonic and a soft brush of cold air licked the at her exposed flesh. She was content and did not move as Yusuke pushed her pants down a little further, so only the top of her pussy was exposed.

He moved his head down, his tongue kissing her deliciously on the stomach as he continued on. Sunari fisted her hands within his hair, not that he minded. She was a bit early to prepare herself for Yusuke's next demonstration and it was then that he realized she was nervous. He smiled softly against her flesh as he once again moved back up so that he was looking her in the eyes. It was a struggle with him and his demon form--who was shameless for lack of a better work--to not rip off her clothing and take her as she was. No, Yusuke much liked to move slow with tenderness in every action.

The pants that Sunari wore were practically skin tight, Yusuke noted as he moved them down further. Why she would wear such things were beyond him. Perhaps it was to keep guys out of her pants, however that seemed unlikely. She was to beautiful not to have ever been touched. Right? Yusuke stopped thinking so intently, deciding that in the moment was better then out of it. He felt Sunari shudder beneath him, no doubt from the rush of cold air that enveloped her once concealed legs. He smiled on the inside, enjoying the effect that he had on his childhood friend. His hands ran up her thighs and hips, pausing to take a moment of glory and pride as they messaged her breasts as gently as they could.

Sunari could not believe all that she was feeling. His touch was so soft, and yet his attitude was rough and callous. She never imagined that she would be here with Yusuke like she was now. The thought was fleeting however when she felt Yusuke's hand slid into her underwear to tease the jewel that rested there. Sunari gasped loudly, causing Yusuke to smile. She was so responsive. How could he have never thought about this before? Or, at least done it sooner. Yusuke bathed in the wetness that was flowing over his hands before taking his hand from her underwear. Sunari whimpered as her body screamed for Yusuke to continue what he was doing.

Yusuke however, just playfully bit her nose before taking off his shirt. He was toned, Sunari had to admit. His body was shaped almost perfectly. It was almost sickening and even as she ran her hands up and down his torso she couldn't help but smile at the satisfaction she had found there. Yusuke leaned into her touch, as he carefully startled the beautiful woman. The look of shock on her eyes was nearly priceless, but Yusuke had no time to laugh at it as he slowly removed her underwear from her body. Everything about her drove him over the edge and gave him a high that he would never forget.

"No fair Yusuke…" Sunari whispered softly, her hands cupping his cheek. Yusuke leaned down so that his lips brushed against hers in a sensual manor.

"What isn't?" He curiously asked her, his fingers resting at her throbbing entrance. Sunari blushed slightly.

"You're practically dressed and I'm naked." She got out and Yusuke just laughed at her incredible sense of childish behavior.

"I guess we'll have to fix that wont we?" He said, pushing a finger into her body, knowing fully well that she would not remember what she was talking about previously as she whimpered into his mouth. He shivered slightly, loving how tight she was. Pumping his finger in slowly caused Sunari to moan a little louder and nibble on his bottom lip. Another finger in and she cried out beautifully.

Her hips were moving with the speed of his fingers, which considering the circumstances were not moving very fast at all as they stretched and prepared her. Yusuke licked Sunari's lips and she opened her mouth, allowing him the entrance that he desired. Even as his tongue plunged into her mouth there was no battle for dominance and while it was sort of a downer it made Yusuke's life a lot easier when the woman accepted that she would always be omega with him. The taste of her was almost indescribable, but if he had to describe it he would. Honey and vanilla. Intense and yet at the same time…mellow.

Pulling his fingers out, he felt her body shiver with an orgasm as she finally released it. She sighed in content, her hair matted to her face and the glaze in her eyes more intense then he remembered. He did not want to take her just yet. She was to special for him to use her as a one night stand fling. No, he would wait to have her. He smiled down at her as he ran his hands through her hair. The confused look in her eyes was enough to tell him that she did not know what was going on and she was hurt by the fact that he had stopped.

He leaned down and placed another kiss on her lips and then two more.

"Did I do something wrong?" Sunari whispered and he shook his head. A poor attempt at trying to relieve the tension that was building.

"No Sunari. You did everything right." He finally answered her. The fact that she was still a virgin was part of what had stopped him. He wasn't willing to take something so precious if she did not feel the same way for him. It would come back to haunt her later and eventually, she would understand how much she really meant to him. "Sleep. It's to late for you to go home and I want you right here with me." He told her as he threw the blankets over them both and wrapped his arms around her pliant form.

Sunari sighed, and closed her eyes. It was not worth thinking about in any case. No, instead she would dream of the things that actually mattered to her…though they were few and rare.

_**Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel for, for love is not ours to command."- Sunari**_

**A/N: **I told you it was intense! Two full pages worth of intense! HAHA! Please review me!**_  
_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Memory**

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them. This is an alternate Universe fic. And possibly a Crossover! And be for warned that there are a lot of my characters in this story. Also, there is a lot of sadness and rape and torture mixed with HINTS of love! Enjoy!

Begin Chapter Four Warning: I Make Boys Cry…

_**I'm in Heaven when you kiss me, show me how you miss me. Take me with you back to Wonderland--Sunari**_

"_Sunari…I don't think that I can do this for much longer my love…" My eyes were glazed over with unshed tears as I looked down at the only person who really loved me for what I was. There was no second guessing it. She was special…and I longed to be just the same. "I can't keep feeling this way toward him. Not when I know that some part of him will always love Kikyou." I sank back, not knowing what to say. Leave it to Kagome to make me feel worthless. Above it all I love it though._

"_I wish…that I could help you…but…I have never been in love before. I can't even begin to fathom the pain that you must be going through and I'd rather die then watch you suffer anymore. So I guess that I will do what you want…" My voice trailed off softly, my hair blowing in the bitter wind of the night. The moon was nearly invisible tonight but regardless, Kagome still watched it with a precision all it's own. _

"_I want to be like you Sunari. I want to be free of this pain and guilt, and enjoy life for what it really is." my eyebrow's creased. Oh, she had no idea what she wanted and no amount of convincing could pry her away from her current goal. "Cause one day I will die Sunari and I…want you to be the one to kill me." My breath caught in my throat and my lungs became constricted. Did she really ask me to take her life? How…selfish._

"_I will do no such thing Kagome." I whispered, feeling my nails dig into my pants and into the flesh that lay beneath them. Kagome smiled and stared at me once again._

"_But you will Sunari. I have foreseen it. And I would have it no other way."_

I shot up in bed, the sweat rolling down my face in a smooth motion. The sunlight blaring through the window caused me to shield my eyes from it. I groaned before slamming myself back down upon the bed and burying my face between the pillows. "Shit…" I mumbled. This place…where was I again? I creased my eyebrows together. _Yusuke! _I sat up once again and looked around. Yusuke was nowhere to be found and I sighed. Looking down at my legs I realized that I had been dressed properly. That was…nice of him.

Swinging my legs from the bed I set foot upon the cold floor. I cursed mentally rushing to get to the carpeted area that surrounded the rest of his house. How odd that he would want his room uncarpeted. I shrugged my shoulders feeling oddly stupid. Being here by myself…made me feel somewhat guilty. I stalked into the kitchen, and opened his fridge to rummage. My stomach was growling louder then my car radio and something told me that had to be unhealthy. The little yellow post it note on the tuba wear before me attracted my attention first and I pulled it out to read it.

'_Made breakfast this morning but didn't want to wake you. Here's your meal. Yusuke.'_

I smiled happily and closed the door with my foot, searching for the microwave. How kind of him to make me something. I almost wish that I could have been awake to eat it with him. I shoved the food in the microwave and set it for one minute. Deciding to let curiosity get the best of me I walked into the living room and looked around. Yusuke wouldn't mind…would he? For a guy he had a lot of pictures. Leaning down my golden eyes stared transfixed on one person in general. The girl that I had come to call friend, with an emptiness in her eyes that no one could find the means to replace, stared lovingly at the one I called 'sister.' For a moment my heart stopped and the microwave beeped it's readiness. I sighed softly. Where was that girl now?

"I took off early to see if you where still her. I must say, I didn't expect you to be reminiscing with old photos." I smiled softly, cursing myself at the same time. How is that I didn't know he was here? I must be getting rusty at my old age.

"Where is she Yusuke?" I calmly asked, turning to face him. He had an almost sad smile on his face and somewhere in the back of my mind I didn't want to know. Crossing his arm's over his chest and moved slightly so that I could get my food from the microwave.

"I assume you mean Keiko. She died. Last year actually." The food in my hand fell to the floor sloppily and Yusuke turned quickly to see what was the matter. I growled low within my chest and dropped to my knees, trying to pretend that he had not said what I knew I heard.

The beautiful woman who was so in love with Yusuke and had called me best friend since before I moved away…was gone. This hardly seemed fair. Did I even have a right to feel as I did now? Knowing that I had left her behind without a single thought in the world and never once said goodbye. Was I really that selfish? That I would put myself before my friends? And even know I can't help but smile. Cause I knew it all along. I would have been the Fool to save her…and now I'm the Sinner because I didn't. How ironic things were turning out to be. The one girl that I had not come here to mourn was breaking my heart slowly with the one past that I have still yet to accept.

His hand on my shoulder brought me back to a cold reality and I looked into his eyes. "There would be no reason to cry over it Sunari. Keiko left this world content and while you weren't there when she passed she thought of you constantly. Without regret and hate. But with love and adoration." I sniffled slightly, trying hard not to cry. "However, if you need to cry I am right here. I can be your shoulder so you don't have to support yourself any longer. If that is what you want…"

I looked back down at the spilled food before falling onto my ass. Shoving my hands within my hair I let the tears fall from my face. I wasn't strong enough to do this. I couldn't be asked to bear such pain and yet I did it anyway. Refusing help always seemed the easiest. And at the same time the most foolish. Yusuke took a seat next to me, pulling my head onto my shoulder. I knew then…that he wanted more from me then I was able to give him and I turned to face him. "I can't bring her back Yusuke…" I whispered softly.

His eyes were downcast and I almost felt sorry, but at the same time I wanted to yell at him for not telling me what he wanted from me in the first place. "Kagome may have given my the Shikon no Tama…but that one wish is not reserved for you or me…she left it for Inuyasha and I'm back to find him."

"_**Lie to me," She whispered. "I love you." He said.**_

**A/N: **Well that one was a bit more informative. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review!

XoXo

Sinner!


	5. Chapter 5

**Memory**

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them. This is an alternate Universe fic. And possibly a Crossover! And be for warned that there are a lot of my characters in this story. Also, there is a lot of sadness and rape and torture mixed with HINTS of love! Enjoy!

Back in the first person! Maybe Lime, you are warned!

Begin Chapter Four Warning: I Bring Up Old Memories

_**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet, coming form the lips of an angel hearing those words makes me weak-Sunari**_

Running my fingers along the wall, I looked around the empty apartment. Sighing, I fell against the wall, letting my body slide to the floor in a careless manor. Propping my knees up, I put my hands to my head. How tired I had become over the last twenty-four hours. I just wanted sleep, but I could only be so fortunate. The cars down below zoomed past without a care in the world and ironically, I parked my motorcycle the same way.

Fingers that could not be called my own ran through my hair and I opened my weary eyes. She smiled down at me and for a second I couldn't comprehend… "Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you, cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me…" The sound of her voice had never been so soothing.

I shook my head slowly and my little Angel was gone and the pain in my heart grew to its maximum. Letting the tears fall from my face I let the last thought of the only person I had to call friend slip from my mind carelessly.

"Yusuke, I would appreciate it if you would at least pretend to pay attention to me while I'm talking." Koenma's voice cut through Yusuke's thoughts and the boy averted his gaze over to the toddler. How annoying this meeting had come to be. Nothing interesting had been said the whole hour and a half that he had been there…but of course, that could be due to the fact that he wasn't listening. Or trying.

"Sorry." Yusuke muttered, almost silently.

Placing a friendly hand on his shoulder, Kurama smiled softly. "Are you feeling alright Yusuke? You've been zoning out since you got here?"

Yusuke forced a smile through his frustration. "I'm fine. Just tired I suppose. I've got a lot on my mind, that's all." Koenma sighed heavily. "You can continue Koenma."

"Well as I was saying before the jewel shard has been detected somewhere here in Tokyo. It's exact coordinates remain to be seen on the account of the energy in general that holds it. The demon seems to be rather good at concealing the jewels scent, per se, but we have noticed that at night is when the jewel spikes the most."

"That means the fool cn not hide it while they sleep." Hiei commented and Koenma nodded his head.

"Yes, the energy of the demon seems to disperse from the jewel and back onto his or herself. Almost as if they are protecting themselves…in any case it is quit peculiar."

"So all we have to do is go searching for it at night? With Kurama and Hiei's keen since of whatever they call it we should find it in no time." Kuwabara offered up and Yusuke looked over at him slightly. He was in serious trouble.

The phone in the apartment rang constantly, always bringing me out of a much needed sleep. Sighing, I threw her hands over her cell phone and opened it. Regretfully putting it to me ear, I whispered an almost silent hello. The person on the other end smiled faintly.

"I didn't know that you would be sleeping." The sound of Yusuke's voice was almost comforting and would have been even more so if I hadn't been dreading his call. Blinking my tired eyes I situated myself.

"Hello Yusuke." I said his name with some hesitation, almost forgetting that I had left him my cell phone number in case of emergencies. "How are you?"

Yusuke sighed softly, knowing where this conversation was going to lead. If she didn't hate him she would surely be pissed at him for weeks to come. He just had a way with words… "I'm a little tired, and yourself?"

I smiled slightly. "Can't say that I am any better. How was work?"

"Boring. How was moving?"

"Same old same old. I was going to call and ask if I could borrow your car later on but since you've called…eh, can I borrow your car?"

Yusuke was silent for a moment, deciding on the other end. He had just bought the Civic last month and while it was for a minimal amount of money it was still his only transportation. Should his first nice car go in the hands of a crazy driver? For a moment he thought not. "Sure. Just as long as I get it back in good condition."

I smiled happily. "I am a very good driver Yusuke. You have nothing to worry about."

Yusuke groaned. "Oh, I'm definitely worried." He said in a joking manor. I smirked and then paused in thought.

"Yusuke…would you mind going out to lunch with me?" I checked the time as I asked the question and ran my free hand through my hair. I still needed a shower…

Yusuke smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, I would love too."

**A/N**: Yeah, I know it was kind of a filler. Tell me what you think and I will make the next one worth your while. Sorry, no lime. I'll make up for it in the next chapter! Scouts Honor!


	6. Chapter 6

**Memory**

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them. This is an alternate Universe fic. And possibly a Crossover! And be for warned that there are a lot of my characters in this story. Also, there is a lot of sadness and rape and torture mixed with HINTS of love! Enjoy!

Back in the first person! Maybe Lime, you are warned! Yeah I totally lied last time but oh well. Enjoy!

Begin Chapter Five Warning: If Beauty is Pain I must be Fucking Gorgeous

She said that I had gotten better, that I was beautiful, and that in some odd way I had learned what it was like to grow up. She said that she had always wanted to see me smile and I broke her heart when I cried. I told her it was my nature to do so and she just laughed it off. I always wished that I could smile like that…

I liked to take her picture…my favorite one was the time she cried. Because in the moonlight her tears reflected like diamonds. So real…

She never knew I took that picture and now she never will. It's been stuffed in so many pockets at so many times that even now I don't know where it is. I sigh just thinking about it. We used to go shopping together and eat pints of ice cream on the couch when Inuyasha was being a pain in the ass and I felt like getting fat. She used to tell me that she was happy but how could she have been with all the tears that developed throughout the years. I liked it when she lied.

I hate it when she dies.

So I wont close my eyes. I like the darkness, it's always easier to cry. She once told me that I was lonely, that should the time ever come and she was gone that darkness would be my only friend. I guess she wasn't lying.

I had pulled out that box first, not by mistake eager to open it. For four years it had been sitting in my closet collecting dust and catching up on the times from a distance. Now here it was, sitting in my now cluttered one bedroom apartment waiting for me to open it.

I'm only now keeping a calendar and I can't help but thin k how stupid I have been all these years as I gently cut the tape on the box. When it opens I can't help but stare, the soft lamp light illuminating parts of whatever was inside of it. I had gone to breakfast with Yusuke this morning half heartedly expecting a lazy conversation and a lousy meal. However I got neither. We had walked the streets of Tokyo until my feet wore out and the beautiful Christmas decorations and music had effected my brain.

Odd, because I had pulled out the tree expecting the same things as before: a lousy and tasteless decoration. How wrong I was. Amidst the dust it had gathered it still had Kagome's beauty concealed within and around it and for once in my life Christmas meant more to me then most things. It was no longer just a Holiday that I had celebrated with a bottle (or ten) of beer or wine; rather a time for me to think of all the things that I never would have done without Kagome. Just look back at them and laugh at myself.

Maybe next year I'll have the courage to make it better but this year like the others I bought a twenty four pack and I hate to see money go to waste.

It's three in the morning and I'm still curled up in my favorite chair (my only chair) watching the lights twinkle on that twelve inch tree seated in the windowsill. I counted the empty cans scattered around me like they were sheep in the field and I finally fell asleep at sixteen: ready to throw up but not yet weak enough to cry.

**A.N: **Yeah I know that it's short. Please forgive me but please review!


	7. Chapter 7

**Memory**

Disclaimer: Nope, I do not own them. This is an alternate Universe fic. And possibly a Crossover! And be for warned that there are a lot of my characters in this story. Also, there is a lot of sadness and rape and torture mixed with HINTS of love! Enjoy!

Begin Chapter Six Warning: You: My anti-love

♥ _Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play. The stars gleam, the poets dream, the  
eagles fly, without you. The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you. _♥

I let my fingers scrape the edge of the abandoned well. Small, thin like slivers of wood entered my pale skin and I winced every time. I had not missed this well as much as I thought I had. I had left the door open, in the back of my mind hoping that someone would see it and try to stop me. Foolishly thinking that maybe I had a choice to say yes or no. "Sometimes Sunari, it's okay to say no." I smiled at the tears I shed and sat down upon the well, my feet dangling inside.

"I might not be able to return…" I whispered back to her, and her soft, feather like hands graced my cheek.

"Don't think about such things until the time has come."

I heard the soil crunch softly. I was not completely oblivious. This new visitor had been keeping tabs on me for some time now. For any signs that I might return and if so, make his mark on this already broken heart. I let my hand fall down hard upon the well. I turned around, my hair cascading down my back. "It's so nice to see you…Sesshoumaru-Sama"

He looked different. It was not his hair, nor his facial features. Perhaps it was the years of age he had put on, or the change in attire of which he wore. Perhaps it was his attitude though that hardly seemed likely. Maybe it was many things, but I would always be to absent minded to ask him.

"I felt you touch ground in Tokyo the other day. I suppose I never thought you would actually be here." I shrugged my shoulders slightly, keeping my golden eyes on the floor. This was not how I had envisioned my death and making a move down the well would be a suicide attempt. There was no one in the world who believed I was sincere. I killed Kagome out of sport. That's what they all believe. "You're not foolish enough to jump down that well are you Sinner?"

I let my gaze wander up his taut stomach and chest before they finally reached his face, his golden eyes a reflection of my own. I smiled softly. "You're a demon Sesshoumaru, but it would take you five seconds to reach me at that distance, while it would only take me two point seven seconds to be exact to throw myself in. Either way you look at it, you're still not fast enough."

The wind blew a callous remark his direction and yet his face remained the same. "Even if you were right Sunari, in this life time or the last I will kill you."

I shrugged my shoulders. "When I have finished my business I will dispose of myself however I please. However, I will not fall to your sword Sesshoumaru. You may believe what you want, I will not tell you otherwise. If it helps you sleep at night then yes, I killed Kagome because she was in the way." I laughed. "Funny though. I'm the one who received the jewel shard." I pulled the purple jewel from my pocket.

Sesshoumaru eyed it wearily. "Yet you did not receive the last wish."

I smiled softly, my reflection glinting off the jewel.

"No. That went to someone more special then I…" I put the jewel back into my pocket and mentally cursed at myself for not sensing Sesshoumaru's move faster. He had made it within an arms length of me in a period of seconds and before I moved my body shook. I was still not at a safe enough distance from him but it had given me the time to run out the door. Quickly, I jumped up on the roof and waited for him. The situation I was in was rather troublesome and I was thankful that 'mom' was not home.

"You are rather stubborn. I can see that it causes you pain to look at the jewel. Somewhere inside I think you killed Kagome for a reason unknown to us. However, it does not matter. You killed her and that's the problem."

I turned around to face him. He was just to smart for me. I was not in the mood to fight him and knew that he was stronger then I was by a long shot. I sighed. Taking a step back I heard something in the roof crack. My eyes widened and I let the roof carry me down until I felt my head smack against the well and all went black.


End file.
